Detached Love is the Best Love

Posted on 29th May,2021 in Simpler Life

“Detached love is the best love”

-Anonymous

Are you confusing Love with attachment ? I think most of us do. When you start enjoying the company of someone, start liking their ways and your rhyming goes well with them it can be misunderstood as love. It may or may not be love, it can be attachment and people can confuse that with love. When you are attached to someone, you have expectations and when it is not fulfilled you feel pain but love is not supposed to make you feel pain. The question is how can you love without being attached? By not keeping expectations. That’s why love is also characterised by being selfless - you don’t need anything for you in return. The person you love and care for will automatically love you back if that’s not happening, I doubt you should spend any of your time and energy there. So do not ask for love. It is clear that love is not supposed to give you pain. Now let’s try to understand detachment.

Many of the times people get confused about DETACHMENT. They generally think detachment as separating themselves from others who can impact them and thus living kind of unimpacted but in the words of Ali, “detachment is not that you own nothing, but that nothing should own you.” See and share with your loved ones. This lovely line is magical. Detachment is when you care about things & people but you don’t lose yourself in that process. You use that luxurious car for a ride but do not become unstable if it is lost one day, you love your family members and care for them but when they leave this earth you understand it and maintain the stability. You own everything but still own nothing - that’s detachment.

Now when we combine Love and detachment it creates magic. Just imagine how beautiful it would be that you devote your time and energy for someone or into something but when that person or that thing ceases to exist you maintain your calm. Easier said than done but that is the life we should aspire for.

Everyone loves their life and fears losing it- but imagine if we learn to love in a detached manner we will start enjoying each and every moment without fear, we can try things which scares us because in the words of Buddha, “fear doesn’t prevent death, it prevents life.” The anchor of your happiness should not be fixed to external things or people. We all know nothing is permanent, everyone will leave this planet some or the other day so why not do what makes you happy and live in a detached way till we are here. On the deathbed you will not remember the big mansions you worried about or the popularity you had to live up to but you most certainly will remember whether were you able to live your life the way you wanted, did you reciprocate love to all the qualified people.

It might feel difficult to love in the way explained above and it doesn’t mean we should stop ourselves from loving others until we become perfect in the skill of detachment. No one should run away from loving others or being loved. There have been many surveys which showed that people in love really improved on their PME (Physical, Mental, Emotional) health. It carries countless health benefits, helps you live stress- free, is an antidepressant (I can think of the character Heer from the movie ROCKSTAR). That’s why when you do something that you love no one can do it better than you.

Little by little try to develop the sense of detached love and start living the life that way. Don’t expect perfection in the first go; this learning has to be perpetual. Remember detachment is not about not caring for anyone but caring without expectations and without anchoring your happiness to the person or thing.

You can channelize this power of Love to achieve your goals.

Whatever you are today is just because you have been loved by someone directly/indirectly. Love has a great role in shaping your nature, in shaping your life.

The world needs Love to improve, it needs energy to undertake lifetime changes, if you want to change something/someone Love is the most smooth and effortless way to do so.

Go Out, Give Love, Get Love. Do not hold yourself back. Use its power to change the world and let it Change you, make you better but remember to be detached still!

Keep smiling!